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No use, it wouldn't budge. I thought of breaking it,but I knew that would be difficult and maybe dangerous so I gave up onit after a few more useless tugs. A fresh gust of chilly wind remindedme - as if I needed reminding -- of my lack of clothing. I reached upfor my robe.More bad luck--it was gone! I was locked out of the house, feminized,bare-breasted and nearly naked! I searched through the bushesfrantically and finally saw my robe, several yards away, twistedinextricably into the branches of a trees flapping in the breeze thathad blown it there.I knew I had lost it. A helpless, totally trapped feeling came over me.The workmen might fail to notice the tiny bit of cloth in the tree, butif I left the bushes to retrieve it, they couldn't fail to notice atopless female trying to untangle her clothing. I could almost heartheir whistles and jeers already'.Hugging my chest to fight the chill, I tried desperately to think if away back to safety. How had this happened to me? A day age I. She had been unable to engage in sex for some time, and so I dealt with my physical needs the best I could, mostly through chronic, habitual masturbation. The months following her passing were very difficult for me emotionally, and I was having a hard time dealing with the grief, and the guilt. I had periodically struggled with bouts of guilt since high school, when I began to use masturbation to help deal with stress and insecurities. Back then, it was referred to as “abusing oneself”. I tried to stay busy and exercise to manage these urges, but when that did not work, masturbation (usually in conjunction with anal stimulation) became my “drug of choice”, as it were. I thought marriage would alleviate the need for this, and it did, for a while. But, compulsive, addictive behaviors are hard to break, and I found myself despairing over my lack of self-control. An even greater threat to my battered conscience was my growing desire for close physical intimacy with another male..
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